The love continues to grow.

Well it's safe to say I have survived and baby Davie came in to the world with a nice cry and lots of rolls! Reading my last post it brings me back to that anxiety and fear I was living. The whole process is emotionally and physically draining. It is a beautiful thing getting to that point of meeting the life you created.. though of course it is quite the rollercoaster.. for me anyway lol!
I had my C section moved up earlier because I was clearly in distress and already huge.. picture of me at 37 weeks as follows.. and I still made another week.

The morning of my scheduled C section on August 10th/19 we arrived for 7:15 AM of course a little late as usual.. Mark went down to get some Tim's to make sure he had a good base before seeing god knows what with my Abdomen cut open inches from his face. That was actually a requirement in my info book.. make sure your partner eats breakfast.. the best part of that was Mark coming in with his food.. looking around to see the room we would be setting up shop for the coming days.. Doing a good look.. opens the window oh so beautiful we got a view of the roof top.. then he proceeded to call my mom and let her know we are checked in and we have a great view and we still have to check out the pool and gym facility.. of course Mark would make it all a joke because I am sitting here shitting myself.. literally.. nervous bowels.. I thought hey this is good saves me from shitting when I am completely numb from the spinal block and someone else has to deal with it.. speaking from experience that is.. Anyway back to Mark getting his lovely breakfast and look around.. Mark finds his Bed for his stay at the "Inn" The bed is a nice Recliner chair.. so Mark does what he does best and gets comfy fully reclined food in hand.. Let me remind you no action has happened yet other than the nurses prepping me and his recliner right in the middle basically in the way and they are all maneuvering around him.. don't worry that lasted a whole five minute before my last pregnancy hormones were still raging and I let him know just how RUDE he was being so relaxed and eating with is fucking feet up as I am getting a nice Bikini shave from a student nurse and an IV being set up at the same time. At this point I am like HERE WE GO.. Also I am thinking at that moment these are my last moments because I honestly didn't think I was going to survive the C section. Don't worry Mark was very supportive he was just done with my shit and was excited to meet his son as I was planning my last moments of life. 

Around this time the family was around and popped in to wish me well. I also had my sis n law Crystal who joined me through the process and came down with Mark for the procedure and was there with me in recovery. She is a nurse and knowing she could be there calmed my nerves a lot.

Here is my support team Mark and Crystal all prepped up and ready to go.. at the time this picture was taken I was getting my spinal put in.. some lovely OR nurse was hugging me bless her heart and talking to me like I was 5 years old.. by my request.. Treat me like a child and my anxiety won't be as bad. She was so lovely made me feel somewhat better and reassured me over and over again. The best was the doctor dropping the meds halfway through freezing and having to wait even longer bent over imagining what is going on so close to your fricken' spine and keeping still as they fumbled around while he is teaching someone at the same time. I remember that moment all too well.. I was so cold and nervous.. The bright lights and the smell of sterilization as the OR staff talk away with it just being another day at the office. I do remember one of the nurses making a comment on how large I was.. Oh yes she is definitely having a boy with that size. Like screw you. If it was a girl I would probably be just as big thank you very much. 

By the time Mark and Crystal were allowed in the OR I was nice and frozen and they put the catheter in.. how nice.. you get to feel them put the needle in to the area by your spine but you don't have to feel them going up your pee hole. I definitely thought I was on my way out at this time because my blood pressure dropped and they had to put the table on an angle and pump me full of fluids to bring me back up.. I was instantly so hot and so sweaty and dizzy.. couldn't see and it was exactly what I imagined to happen so this little event was the best start to reassure me. By the time I was coming back around they were half way to the baby and Mark was right in my face reassuring me and I mean like right in my face.. I guess thats all he had was my head since everything else was off limits.. and he was just beaming and so excited and I was just hoping to god this all passed soon.. this time around I could feel touch of course not pain but last time I had a c section there was ZERO feeling of touch only the tugging. Anyway I kept thinking at any time I'm going to have full feeling and feel it all or ill just be put to sleep. Ill never forget Mark's face with the light and excitement he had as I was telling him to stop petting my head like I was a Cat. I then remember he started rubbing my arm and scratching it and that was nice and calmed me down. The moment we all remember that first little cry or big cry.. sounds more like a screech or peeping hahah. Here is that moment for you to enjoy.. and my stomach open and I am pretty sure there is other parts of me on display as well as baby.     '

Baby David is officially on this side of the world and healthy and the Ped doctor gives the A ok! At this point I had planned to do skin to skin but I was so anxious and sick still from my blood pressure dropping I couldn't think or feel like I could have baby on my chest. 

Mark went with baby and I knew this would be a special time for him and for the family waiting patiently in the waiting room. They all got to see baby Davie sooner so it worked out! I was stitched back up and off to recovery where my blood pressure went down again and I couldn't stop shaking and it was a terrible feeling. I was in recovery a little longer than expected. Half way through my time there Mark came down with Davie.. he had him dressed in a cute outfit he found it in the hospital bag and just knew that was the special first outfit.. though we never even talked about the contents of the hospital bag.. so adorable.. he also had the biggest Chicago Bears blanket wrapped around the baby. I guess the nurse said to him you know maybe we could put him in a smaller one you don't want your blanket getting dirty and its a little big you know.. nope better just keep the big blanket and present baby David to me in it Lol! 

They brought baby to me because he was eating his fists.. I wasn't expecting the breastfeeding to go off without a hitch but he latched on right there while I was shaking in recovery and the rest is history. I am super blessed and lucky it happened like that. With Greyson I had to use a shield thing and Mark called it my Contact Lens hahahahah. No contact lens required with Baby David. Soon after that feed he took baby back since I was feeling sick again and at this point I still wasn't ready to hold baby without feeling like ill pass out and drop him.

(Chicago Bears blanket and my first time holding Baby Davie)

Early afternoon I was back to my room and feeling like I might actually survive all of this and things are looking to be better. Mark is in the room enjoying his time before his shift tending to both me and a baby begins.. those moments before me bringing back to the room may have been the most calm moments he will ever have again.. 

Soon after me getting back up to the room I asked the nurse if I could have coffee and I was cleared so I sent Mark down for his first Tim's trip of many to come and my mom went to go get Greyson.. weird not calling him Baby G anymore since he really isn't a baby by any means and everyday I am reminded of just how big he is now. 

My mom came back with Greyson and he got to meet little Davie. He was probably confused because he would always point to my tummy and kiss my belly when I asked him where the baby was. Now I was showing him this little baby wrapped up.. he was probably thinking what the hell is that... haha. He touched Davie and gave him a kiss it was really sweet. Soon after that we took that first picture together as a family. This picture was a struggle.. I know the whole thing was confusing to Greyson.. pretty sure I am holding some sort of snack in my one hand to keep him from freaking out ha ha.

Greyson had a few visits while we were in the hospital. It was so difficult to not be able to care for him and be stuck at the hospital while he was just there to visit. It took some adjusting and time before we got back to our rhythm again. He is a busy boy and recovering from a c section with a newborn and toddler has been quite the adventure for me. I am beyond lucky to have so many supportive people. My village is wonderful.

I couldn't do any of that without my main person Mark, his humour and love has always pulled me through any challenge and this one was a big one to get through. The entire pregnancy and birthing experience mixed with my anxiety was a huge thing to get through. In my moments of zero light Mark was always there with a whole sun to cover us both. Still today he brings me out of most cloud covered situations even when I am stubborn and have no interest in any light. To top it all off he asked me to spend forever with him shortly after Davie arrived. Everything kind of fell in to place. Everything truly does find its way perfectly. Sometimes Mark will say to me that he wishes we found each other sooner and think of how much more we could have enjoyed together.. and my response is always the same.. with a smile absolutely not.. I wouldn't want to change one single thing that lead me to this perfect beautiful mess of a life. All those puzzle pieces and experiences brought me to you Mark. Thats the thing.. you need to live and feel every single moment for it is what brings you to where you need to be.

I look forward to sharing more about how things have been almost 3 months in to life with a new baby and toddler. Greyson is 2! Oh my goodness. All I can say is survival mode.... and a new appreciation for all the little moments.. This time around I understand how precious time really is seeing how fast it went from Greyson being this baby and now this little boy all in 2 years time. As much as I miss sleep and clean clothes and.. and.. and.. lol... I love the sticky mess and being called momma I am so lucky. 

All my love always.

A.